Tuesday night

Hey. I'm watching American Idol and just hanging out with Seth. Spring Break has been pretty good so far... lots of sleeping late, which I love. Monday I went shopping which was fun --- got to spend some of my birthday gift cards and got some cute outfits and things to pair with some of the clothes I got from Mom. And today I had to take Toby to the vet for his shots... he was such a good boy -- but he's so funny at the vet's office. He'll walk in the door and then he realizes where he is and he won't move any further so I have to carry him. Then in the office he gets so scared, poor little guy... then when we're done he gets so excited to leave and he doesn't want to wait to pay! Later on in the day, since it was nice weather, Toby and I went for a walk in the park by the lakefront path which was great. And then I went to my tap class and that was great... I found out we're performing in May! I'm not sure when exactly ... the 22, 23, or 24. I'm so excited --- I never get to perform and I'm super excited to do it again:)

So overall things are good... some family drama --- I was really hurt because my grandma, aunt, and great aunt (who all live together) never called on my birthday to say happy birthday. I know, it shouldn't be such a big deal, but it was my 30th birthday and they've always called and everyone else in the family always gets a birthday party and I didn't even get a call. Then on Easter no one even mentioned that I had a birthday... no one asked how it was or anything. And we were supposed to celebrate my birthday on Easter and mom brought a pie and everything and people sang happy birthday to me... well kinda. They really sang happy birthday to me and my cousin and my mom's cousin and his son. And that was it. Not that I need some huge party with a million presents or whatever but it just hurt that no one even acknowledged it.

And then tonight when I mentioned to my mom and I had a huge argument about ... well I don't even know what. She was making up things I never even said and saying all these terrible things. Of course today (Wednesday... I'm editting from yesterday) she was totally remorseful and sorry, but I thought maybe these times were over... she'd been so much better lately. And now I feel like things are going back to where they were before with the drinking and her getting so mean. I can't go through it again, I just can't. I'm just only starting to get over some of the verbally and emotionally abusive things she said and did to me, because like I said, things have been really good lately and I just can't go back to that place again. Anyway, things were better today so maybe they won't go back. I hope not...

Late Night Blogging

Sorry this blog is so rambly... I've had a few glasses of wine and I feel like just expressing.

So my spring break started today... I love being able to stay up late and sleep in. I wouldn't want to be without work all the time, since, as I've blogged about before, I love my job. Plus I'd get bored. But having the breaks is so nice. Just to be lazy and get things done around the house and errands run during the week, etc. Anyway, that's why I'm up late --- I love being able to actually follow my own sleep rhythms, which say to sleep from about 3 AM until noon. Obviously, I'm able to modify that to survive in the real world (10 grams of melatonin around 9:00 PM is the greatest thing. It allows me to actually be sleepy by 11:30 instead of getting a "second wind" at that time. After doing some research on sleep disorders, I've self-diagnosed myself as having Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_syndrome
Basically meaning I sleep normally (i.e. I don't have trouble falling or staying asleep. The only thing that makes me think maybe something else is going on is I am almost always still tired upon waking, no matter how long I sleep, and I almost always wake up in the middle of the night (but I use the bathroom and go right back to sleep. Maybe that's a bladder thing?? I'm old.) I've thought about going to a sleep clinic) but my circadian rhythms are all out of whack and I'm not sleepy until late at night/early morning. The interesting thing about it is it runs in families (and my mom has always been a "night owl" too) and it's related to the secretion of melatonin. "Normal" people's pineal gland starts secreting melatonin (the hormone that makes you sleepy) around 8 or 9 at night. But for people with DSPS, their pineal gland is all crazy and doesn't start with the melatonin until about midnight or 1 AM. So artificial melatonin helps me out because it mimics what my body should be doing naturally. What's also interesting is that the pineal gland is also responsible for the secretion of seratonin, and since I have depression (well, Dystheymic Disorder to be precise http://www.psychcentral.com/disorders/sx14.htm) which results from a decrease in seratonin, and since the meds that work with seratonin work well to "cure" most symptoms of my depression it makes sense that something's wrong with my pineal gland. In fact the DSPS shows extreme comorbidity (I hate that term) with depression. Anyway, enough about my disorders:)

So my birthday was fabulous. For my "last night in my 20s" Seth and I went out with Jen and Andy. Well, Elisa came out but left because the bar was too loud/crowded (it was St. Pats weekend!) and my other friends all made other plans (which kinda made me sad cuz I had mentioned this ages ago). We had a lot of fun and I drank a lot (but not enough to be hung over!:) The on my birthd, I literally did all my favorite things (down to the CD I had in the car... Beatles from the Cirque de Soleiel LOVE show... I don't really like Cirque de Soleiel, but that CD is amazing) and I didn't do anything I didn't want to! Well, all my favorite things without the ability to time-travel or fly:) I had brunch with my girlfriends.... good food (mimosas, tea, eggs benedict (but with a cornbread thing instead of an English muffin), hashbrowns and applewood smoked bacon) and lots of laughs. Then I went to get a hot stone massage and that was amazing... the massuse I had was awesome and I LOVE hot stone massages (BTW.. the money for that was part of my money I would have spent on cigarettes. I am allowing myself $325 since that's what I would have spent over 3 months. I still have a mani/pedi coming and $135 left.... I have to decide what to spend that on - either another massage, two more mani/pedis or gardening stuff:). The hot stone massage is so great because they massage you with a large (or small depending on the area) flat stone... so you have the pressure of a normal massage but also the heat from the stone, which relaxes the muscles. It's awesome. Then I went home and although I had intended to take Toby for a nice long walk by the lake, it was pretty chilly and closer to the lake would have only been worse so Seth and I took Toby on a short walk. Then I sang a few songs with the kareoke "Magic Mic" thing I have (it's a whole kareoke system in a microphone that you hook up to the TV), then I took an hour nap. After that, Seth and I went to Chicago Pizza and Oven Griners Co. which is my favorite resaurant. They have "pizza pot pies" and I don't know how else to describe them. They're delicious. And they have this Meditteranean Bread which is a giant flatbread with the most amaxing seasonings. And then when they bring you the bill they bring these little dark-chocolate-filled-with-caramel/honey things. We asked for more and got a bunch:) Then Seth and I went to DOC wine bar and got a wonderful bottle of Malbec and sat on a little couch and enjoyed. Then before bed I read US magazine (so you can deduce my favorite things - laughing with friends, eating good food, getting a massage, singing, napping, walking my dog, drinking good wine, reading celeb gossip magazine, spending time with my husband... also on the list would be gambling in Vegas, seeing a Broadway show, reading on the beach, snokeling, eating lobster in Maine... but like I said - no ability to fly). But I really didn't have a problem turning 30 (until now a few days later when I think about it and it's like... wow I'm 30). The only things that made it unperfect (and I know - I shouldn't dwell but I'm going to) were the weather was too chilly, Julie wasn't at brunch, we had to wait extra long at dinner, my grandma/great aunt/aunt didn't call (I know that sounds silly but they all live together and it really hurt that they didn't call), at the wine bar Seth kept bringing up things that annoyed me (talking about money management, me keeping with quitting smoking, etc.) and doing his whole passive-agressive thing, and Seth didn't give me the present I asked for (he gave me great things.. seriously. They were extremely thoughtful and fitting and really great.... but the thing I asked for, and what I really wanted, was for him to clean up all is dirty clothes laying around the bedroom and more importantly for him to clean up the guest bedroom/office. It's a HUGE mess with all his stuff and he's been saying he'll clean it up since the beginning of January... all his old junk mail and things he doesn't file and boxes of stuff are laying all over the place. I was gone all Sunday afternoon and I really, really though I'd come home and he would have done it. But it's still a HUGE mess). But anyway, it was a fabulous, wonderful birthday:)

Well I had a few more thoughts but I'm getting sleepy and I think I've written enough. I'll write about gardening and my biological clock later:)

Reflection on my 20s

Since it's my last day of being in my 20s, I thought I'd reflect on (or at least list) some of the accomplishments from my 20s:

- I got my bachelors degree
- I got my first "real" job (teaching)
- I got my masters degree
- I got a job I love (counseling)
- I lost my virginity (had to include it:)
- I fell in love
- I got engaged
- I planned a wedding
- I got married
- I got a dog
- I bought a home
- I lived on my own in an apartment
- I had fabulous friends
- I traveled to Toronto, New York City, Las Vegas, New Orleans, Texas (Houston and Dallas), Delaware (Wilmington), Rhode Island, Vermont (Burlington), Maine, New Hampshire, Key West, San Francisco, San Diego, Wisconsin (Milwaukee, Madison, Door County, Lake Geneva), Ohio (Cleveland, Columbus), Michigan (Kalamazoo), Boston (and many other Massachusettes locales), Italy (Venice, Florence, Bari, Rome), and Aruba.
- I went snorkeling
- I went surfing
- I saw several Broadways shows (one with the original cast)
- I went wine tasting in Napa and Sonoma Valley, and in Chianti
- I ate lots of new foods
- I went to bars in Chicago A-Z
- I went to many fabulous restaurants
- Many more....

Overall, I had a good decade. The most important thing was I really found who I was and learned to be comfortable with myself, and learned to be happy. I grew up and became an adult.

Looking forward to my 30s, I'm hoping that I'll have just as good of a decade! Lots of new accomplishments to look forward to.

Cute Toby story and work...

So I decided that I want to start adding pictures in my blog. I'll figure that out over spring break:)

And I also decided I don't write enough Toby stories in here. Toby, as I'm sure you know, is my wonderful dachshund. He is the cutest dog ever and does about a thousand funny things so I thought I'd share them here. Yes, I am one of "those" dog people, but no I do not dress my dog in clothes, and no I do not refer to Seth and I as Toby's mom and dad. We're his Seth and his Amy. Anyway, the story is (and I realize there's a lot of background for the one cute thing but it doesn't make sense without it)....this morning, my phone rang at 6:15 (it was a school I subbed at last year asking if I could come sub!) I usually don't get up until 7:00 (takes me 20 minutes to get ready, 10 minutes to get to work) but this morning I had a meeting and had to be at work at 7:20, so I planned to get up at 6:50.... I think I must have still been off with the time change or half asleep or something cuz when the phone rang at 6:15 I jumped out of bed in a panic before answering the phone and said, "I have to be at work in 5 minutes!!!" Seth then said, "I though you had to be there at 7:20. It's 6:15" Of course, I got back into bed but since we set the thermostat down at night and it isn't programmed to go back up until 6:30, it was really cold in the house... under the covers asleep was fine, but awake and out of bed was COLD. When I got back into bed I said, "Oooh I'm freezing, Seth come cuddle"but before Seth could even roll over, Toby climbed up (yes, he sleeps in the bed with us-- this was NOT my decision.. Seth is the one who started putting him in the bed) and laid half on top of me... not to bug me or anything, because after he climbed up he just laid his head down and went back to sleep, but because he doesn't want to be left out of any cuddle and I think he wanted to help keep me warm!!! What other animal would do that?! He's the best:)

And I thought I'd blog a little about the Performing Arts Club at work. Theatre, especially musical theatre is probably my biggest "love." If I could do anything, I would be an actress on Broadway (or an actress on Sesame Street. Seriously). This year the music teacher, Sara, and I began a Performing Arts Club (the school I work at is very small and we don't have a whole lot of resources). This spring we are doing a Broadway Revue. Since it's only the two of us, we only get about 12 kids max., we have an extremely small budget, and it's like pulling teeth to get these kids to stay 2 days a week, for an hour after school, let alone commit to 5 or 6 three- or four- hour rehearsals a week, we decided an entire show was out of the question. But the students we have are good and they want to perform and it gives them a place to shine. So the revue is perfect. Well, anyway, Sara had a baby at the end of February and will be on maternity leave until the beginning of May leaving me to pretty much mount the whole show by myself. I have sporadic help from some of the other teachers (which is GREAT), but it's basically just me. Anyway, things are going really well. We have an awesome version of Seasons of Love from Rent, Ease on Down the Road from The Wiz, a scene from A Raisin in the Sun, I'm Not That Girl from Wicked, and today we worked on Listen from Dreamgirls... that may change a bit to incorporate the song and scene in the movie. We still need to work on Hard Knock Life from Annie and You Can't Stop the Beat from Hairspray. I am really excited for the show because we still have a month and a half to polish and already I'd be ok mounting Seasons of Love, Ease on Down the Road and the scene from A Raisin in the Sun. Except for memorization, they're great. That makes me happy. The students love it and I love seeing them excited about showtunes! Plus, like I said, they're good. So I love doing it, it makes me happy:)

Blogging Time

Just some general blogging. Things have been alright. Work is good, as usual. Things have been better with Seth and the studying.... the new changes -- mostly Seth coming home to have dinner and then studying at home for a few hours, and also eating dinner at the dining room table instead of in front of the TV -- have really helped. They seem like little things, but I think the eating without the TV has helped the most. I feel like we have some time almost every day just to focus on each other.

Also, we've started planning for the Vegas trip this year! It got decided that we should go in the summer (wasn't my pick, but other people wanted it and I'm ok with it) which will be HOT but fun to use the pool and easier. I'm excited about our trip. I just hope for once everyone gets on the same page. It seems like everyone is all gung-ho about it and then when it comes down to it, no one makes final plans to go.

The only other thing going on is a situation with the renter guy in the condo. All the owners have been exchanging emails because of his dogs - one of them bit another dog in the building, the barking is obnoxious, and since he moved in there has consistantly been dog poop left in the backyard (he has 3 large dogs). Of course, we can't prove the poop thing and he's denied it. So anyway, we had been trying to figure out what to do with the situation and it was decided that two representatives from the association talk to him about our concerns and try to reach some resolution. Well, long story short, Thursday evening out of the blue he came up to our condo and started verbally attacking me (Seth wasn't home). It was really bad... he called me names, threatened me, twisted everything I said, etc. His primary argument seemed to be that I was a liar, and I was spreading slander about him not picking up after his dogs. Three other residents eventually came (either coming home or came out from their units) and he stormed off. Seth talked with him later and he kept saying he hated me, never wanted to see me again, and asserted that he was justified in verbally assaulting me because I provoked the attack. I still have no idea why he thinks that I am the one accusing him -- I've agreed that I think it's his dogs leaving the poop, and I was upset about the biting incident and barking, and I feel that he's an irresponsible dog owner because he allows his dogs to wander all over other people's property without a leash, but I wasn't the first or last person to have those opinion. In fact, I was one of the more rational people on the email chain (other people suggested implementing a fine for the poop, contacting his owner, bringing legal action, etc.). One of the other owners contacted him to set up a time to meet and did mention that he should possibly talk with Seth and I since we were the only dog owners he hasn't addressed in regards to the biting incident, but I still have no idea why he thinks I am the sole person involved in the assumption that his dogs are leaving the poop. It's scary because I don't know what he's capable of doing. So that's been my major concern lately, or at least since yesterday. I'm just so regretful that I ever even weighed in on the email discussion, because somehow it got turned around that I was the instigator and the only person in the building who is upset with him and his dogs. So now I've become his target, and he's obviously not mentally balanced. I don't know what the resolution to this will be, if there can even be one.

Anyway, thought I'd check in with some of the "self-improvement" things. The quitting smoking has become a lot easier. I rarely think about it any more, but I still miss it. I think once the summer comes, I'll miss it even more. The thing is I enjoyed smoking... I liked the act of it and the bonding that happened whengoing outside to smoke with friends. But I am glad to be rid of it.... I'm saving so much money and I know I'm healthier.

In mid-April or early-May I'm going to start on a weight loss plan. I think I'm going to give Weight Watchers a serious go again and really increase my exercising. I want to lose weight. I need to. I by no means feel the need to be super skinny, but I want to lose 40-45 lbs. which would put me around 140-145. I know it's going to be hard and will take a lot of work and a long time but I want to be dedicated to it. I'm tired of being overweight. So after I feel really confident about the smoking quit, I'll move on to the weight loss.